i am a hypocrite and a sell out

binary

so, i was at the farmer's market this morning and i ran into a friend who i used to work with. we discussed my upcoming job change, which ultimately lead to a discussion about her daughter who is intersex. she had been trying to find a network in our area who can help support her daughter. apparently, because she is having a difficult time with puberty and their doctor said that is was necessary for her to take hormones to start development and trigger menstruation. her daughter does not want to develop and having trouble, emotionally, dealing with this "therapy."
though i am no doctor, i find the "need" to start hormones a little wrong. what would happen if this child did not take hormones? what would happen if this child was left to develop naturally into whomever they wanted to be?
why is it that gender binaries are so strict, that we (our society) cannot allow people to become the persons they want to be? is this "need" for hormone therapy supposed to make this child more well adjusted or is this therapy supposed to help society more easily categorize her as female?
i am inclined to say that this child should be allowed the opportunity to develop on hir own. if hir genitalia functions, then what is the problem?

throwing baby in my face

so, i just joined facebook. it is kind of like a three part reunion for me. i have friends from here, friends from oregon, and people i knew from high school. i have noticed that most of the people from the high school group have kids or are married, or both. i still think that i'm too young for that stuff.
on sunday night, my mother and i were on the phone and she had this funny tone about her. she asked me "is there any news you have? is there something you want to tell me?" i asked her to be more specific. then she said "like a baby. are you pregnant?"
first: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I LET MYSELF GET PREGNANT RIGHT NOW! which is what i kept to myself. do i want kids, um...yes and no. now? no. i just moved back home, i'm trying to establish something career wise, and now i'm getting baby thrown in my face.
second: what prompted her to ask this?
why isn't my mother asking my brother, who is 10 years my senior, if he is going to have a baby? why is it that as soon as i turned 28, i start getting the baby pressure?
i am still in awe of the fact that there are people out there who still pressure young women into having children. i know i'm getting upset about an old liberal-feminist issue, but SHEESH, c'mon, my ovaries are not my only asset. i think i'm good for more than making babies.

guilt

isn't it interesting how we are socialized to be loyal to our employers? today i dropped off 3 applications to a great organization. these jobs are all a step up for me. one if them pays $30 less per week, but i would also be working 10 fewer hours per week. these positions are also in my field. as soon as i began updating my resume, i started to feel guilty about applying. though i want more money and health insurance, i also like the company i currently work for. there isn't anything that is particularly great about it, but i like it.
on monday, i went into my boss's office to tell her that i saw the job posting at this other agency. i told her about the pay and the benefits. instead of making me feel guilty or ashamed, she encouraged me to apply, but also ensured that i would still be in line for my promotion in a couple of months if i am still with the company.
i have a guilty conscience. i feel horrible at the prospect of leaving this company without knowing that i have an adequate replacement. there is also the familial aspect of this company. i am compelled to do a good job because the quality of someone's life is my responsibility. i treat them better than i treat myself. which is the point, i suppose.
i hope i get this other job.
i also feel guilty for wanting to leave the people i take care of.

sarah palin pisses me off

while i think it is horrible for people to criticize her for being a mother and running for VP, i also think she is a horrible person. she is W Bush in glasses and a skirt suit, which is pretty smart of the republicans to do. i heard that initially McCain wanted Lieberman to be his running mate, but since McCain isn't a republican favorite, he was urged to nominate a person who is a nature hating, gun toting, contrived christian yahoo. why? because the American public was dumb enough to elect that kind of person 2 terms in a row.
here is what i want:
a group of leaders who will make it possible for me to live without fear of getting very sick
a group of leaders who will make it possible for people to live on a single income instead of feeling pressured to get married
a group of leaders who don't think that welfare is reformed by encouraging women to get married and depend on men for stability
a group of leaders who believe that abstinence only sex ed is more harm than good....
the list goes on. i'm just a little drunk and pissed off.

kitty 2

it looks like we will be adopting a cat. her name is lulu and she is black and white. i am allergic to cats, but i'm allergic to everything, so we thought, what the heck. she will have the run of the house, with the exception of our bedroom. this rule will probably last an hour. we were third in line, but the first two people who responded to the ad didn't follow through. i have been talking with her current owner for a couple of weeks now and he seems to like the fact that i replied to his emails. does anyone have advice on how to care for a great big pussy...(cat)?

free shit

lately, i have been into free-cycling. i am a member of a group called latah free exchange. instead of throwing things away or buying new crap, this group offers a way to unload without filling up a landfill.
here are the rules:
within a year, in order to remain a memeber you must offer and take.
you must offer more than you take, and
you must post an offer before you take or post a wanted.

so far i have offered two items, i posted one wanted, and i've replied to two offers. a friend of mine was moving and was downizing her place by 1/3. she had a bunch of stuff to give to goodwill, so we took a load to goodwill for her, took some stuff for ourselves (half of her liquor cabinet, some sweaters, and a bed frame), and posted some on the free exchange. i have successfully gotten rid of her gingerbread house mold and some jelly jars. what did i get?

the free exchange is very fast paced. you must respond quickly to get what you want. i was first in line for this very cool, bubble gum pink dresser with scooby doo stickers on it. we recently gave away a dress that we bought for $4 at a yard sale. i sanded, repaired, and painted it. but a friend of our just moved back to town, so we gave him ours. though we needed it, he needed it more. so we decided to go find another fixer-uper at another yard sale. two days later, pinky the dresser was offered on the free exchange and i was the frist to respond. it needs a little work, but is a perfectly good dresser as is. we are currently in line for a cat. the first person passed, the second person is thinking, and we are the next in line.
free-cycle accomplishes several things:
1. i get free shit
2. things don't go to landfills
3. i get projects (i live for redoing furniture)

the one down side to the group is that there are people who reply because they might want it and then don't do it. like in the case of the cat. i really want her. apparently she looks just like my partner's childhood cat, hamburger, and she also looks a lot like my friend Michael's cat Marzipan, but fatter.

when i joined the group, i got really excited for doing thing second hand, but i realized that i didn't pay for most of my things (furniture wise). here is a list of things that i bought.
-shelf for tv/stereo (year 2000)
-coffee table from ikea (2008)
-full sized bed (2004)

here is some of what i have snagged for free.
-dresser (2008)
-bedframe (2008, total cost after repair and paint $15)
-car, 1993 plymouth laser in working condition, only needed an oil change (2008)
-bedside table (2008, was built by my great grandmother's brother in the 1890s)
-shelves (2007, grandma moved to a retirement village)
-couch (2007)
- tv (2007)
-dvd player (2005)
- laptop (graduation gift 2005)
-computer (2003/2004)
-chair (2002, college friend didn't have room for it in his place)
-table (2000, found it in my mom's barn)
-dresser (1997, it was my dad's baby dresser)
-love seat (1995, my aunt's from when she was in college, then mom's, then mine)