guilt

isn't it interesting how we are socialized to be loyal to our employers? today i dropped off 3 applications to a great organization. these jobs are all a step up for me. one if them pays $30 less per week, but i would also be working 10 fewer hours per week. these positions are also in my field. as soon as i began updating my resume, i started to feel guilty about applying. though i want more money and health insurance, i also like the company i currently work for. there isn't anything that is particularly great about it, but i like it.
on monday, i went into my boss's office to tell her that i saw the job posting at this other agency. i told her about the pay and the benefits. instead of making me feel guilty or ashamed, she encouraged me to apply, but also ensured that i would still be in line for my promotion in a couple of months if i am still with the company.
i have a guilty conscience. i feel horrible at the prospect of leaving this company without knowing that i have an adequate replacement. there is also the familial aspect of this company. i am compelled to do a good job because the quality of someone's life is my responsibility. i treat them better than i treat myself. which is the point, i suppose.
i hope i get this other job.
i also feel guilty for wanting to leave the people i take care of.

sarah palin pisses me off

while i think it is horrible for people to criticize her for being a mother and running for VP, i also think she is a horrible person. she is W Bush in glasses and a skirt suit, which is pretty smart of the republicans to do. i heard that initially McCain wanted Lieberman to be his running mate, but since McCain isn't a republican favorite, he was urged to nominate a person who is a nature hating, gun toting, contrived christian yahoo. why? because the American public was dumb enough to elect that kind of person 2 terms in a row.
here is what i want:
a group of leaders who will make it possible for me to live without fear of getting very sick
a group of leaders who will make it possible for people to live on a single income instead of feeling pressured to get married
a group of leaders who don't think that welfare is reformed by encouraging women to get married and depend on men for stability
a group of leaders who believe that abstinence only sex ed is more harm than good....
the list goes on. i'm just a little drunk and pissed off.

kitty 2

it looks like we will be adopting a cat. her name is lulu and she is black and white. i am allergic to cats, but i'm allergic to everything, so we thought, what the heck. she will have the run of the house, with the exception of our bedroom. this rule will probably last an hour. we were third in line, but the first two people who responded to the ad didn't follow through. i have been talking with her current owner for a couple of weeks now and he seems to like the fact that i replied to his emails. does anyone have advice on how to care for a great big pussy...(cat)?

free shit

lately, i have been into free-cycling. i am a member of a group called latah free exchange. instead of throwing things away or buying new crap, this group offers a way to unload without filling up a landfill.
here are the rules:
within a year, in order to remain a memeber you must offer and take.
you must offer more than you take, and
you must post an offer before you take or post a wanted.

so far i have offered two items, i posted one wanted, and i've replied to two offers. a friend of mine was moving and was downizing her place by 1/3. she had a bunch of stuff to give to goodwill, so we took a load to goodwill for her, took some stuff for ourselves (half of her liquor cabinet, some sweaters, and a bed frame), and posted some on the free exchange. i have successfully gotten rid of her gingerbread house mold and some jelly jars. what did i get?

the free exchange is very fast paced. you must respond quickly to get what you want. i was first in line for this very cool, bubble gum pink dresser with scooby doo stickers on it. we recently gave away a dress that we bought for $4 at a yard sale. i sanded, repaired, and painted it. but a friend of our just moved back to town, so we gave him ours. though we needed it, he needed it more. so we decided to go find another fixer-uper at another yard sale. two days later, pinky the dresser was offered on the free exchange and i was the frist to respond. it needs a little work, but is a perfectly good dresser as is. we are currently in line for a cat. the first person passed, the second person is thinking, and we are the next in line.
free-cycle accomplishes several things:
1. i get free shit
2. things don't go to landfills
3. i get projects (i live for redoing furniture)

the one down side to the group is that there are people who reply because they might want it and then don't do it. like in the case of the cat. i really want her. apparently she looks just like my partner's childhood cat, hamburger, and she also looks a lot like my friend Michael's cat Marzipan, but fatter.

when i joined the group, i got really excited for doing thing second hand, but i realized that i didn't pay for most of my things (furniture wise). here is a list of things that i bought.
-shelf for tv/stereo (year 2000)
-coffee table from ikea (2008)
-full sized bed (2004)

here is some of what i have snagged for free.
-dresser (2008)
-bedframe (2008, total cost after repair and paint $15)
-car, 1993 plymouth laser in working condition, only needed an oil change (2008)
-bedside table (2008, was built by my great grandmother's brother in the 1890s)
-shelves (2007, grandma moved to a retirement village)
-couch (2007)
- tv (2007)
-dvd player (2005)
- laptop (graduation gift 2005)
-computer (2003/2004)
-chair (2002, college friend didn't have room for it in his place)
-table (2000, found it in my mom's barn)
-dresser (1997, it was my dad's baby dresser)
-love seat (1995, my aunt's from when she was in college, then mom's, then mine)

mmm....

i am in the middle of making some wicked awesome tofu. it is a basic garlic pepper tofu, but i did it without any help or recipe. it isn't super hot, but it has a nice gradual warming to it. the end product will be a little spicier.
here is what i did...
chop up a shit-ton of garlic.
put some oil (i used extra virgin because i'm out of canola)
heat it up real good
add cubes of tofu (don't forget to press the water out first)
cover the tofu with black pepper, then red pepper flakes, then dark mushroom soy sauce and mirin
fry the crap out of it.
then set it aside.
in another pan, put more garlic in there, heat it up with more oil.
then begin to fry the mushrooms, add green onion, asparagus and more pepper and sauces, i think i'll add a pinch of sugar because i am out of plum sauce.
serve it over brown rice. if you want, put some cock sauce on the side, it should be good.
i'm not done with it, but I'll comment on the outcome.

kitty

so, there is this cat in our apartment right now. i knocked on a couple of doors with no answer and it seems to think that our porch is home. i am allergic to cats. i can already feel my throat get scratchy, my eyes are a little watery, and my nose is a little runny. that said, this thing is so freakin' cute. it is a dirty white color (the cat is not dirty) it has a grey face and grey tail, and big bright blue eyes. it is now perched on our couch by the window. we know it has a home, because it is so friendly. it heard me grab a bowl for water and it instantly knew that bowls were full of yummy things. the down side to this cat is that it has no collar, which means that we have no way to tell where the owner is. i am already selfishly wanting to adopt this cute creature. allergies be damned!
i named it "cat"

hair

i was at work today, which is always a kick in the pants (or a pain in the ass) and one of the people i am a caregiver for whispered something to me. she leaned in and said "my other staff member doesn't shave her legs." i leaned closer to her and said "neither do i."
what is so interesting about the population i work with is that there is so much emphasis on "passing" and/or living "normal lives." at the same time, it is also a lesson for "normal" people on how to acknowledge that there are differently-abled people in their community...back to assimilation...
so, this job is all about disciplinary practices and reproductive labor; teaching and re-teaching all of those things we do every day to maintain our lives. it is also very similar to being a stay at home parent. but what is different is that the parent changes all the time and what is "normal" to one parent is totally "abnormal" to another. the person i work with has been socialized to believe that women shave their legs, but now she has two staff members who don't and is slightly confused by this.
though i shouldn't be, i am always shocked at how a woman who doesn't take part in certain "grooming" practices are always thought of to be taboo. even in a hippie town like Moscow.