on getting married, or, to be more correct, not married

when my sister got married for the second time, i announced to my family that my partner and i would not get married, and that not being married was something that we were going to be doing together for the rest of our lives (yes, i do realize that i'm borrowing from four weddings and a funeral).
marriage is always on my mind. why? probably because i was socialized to desire marriage and was raised to believe that my greatest achievement would be signing a contract that would make me chattel. my mother believes that her worth is directly related to men finding her sexually desirable. she raised her daughters the same way. not many young women are raised to believe that putting out will get you love. and i hope that not very many women have mothers who say things like "i bet if you get pregnant, he'll marry you!" oh boy, was that an exciting day. the sad thing is, that wasn't the worst thing that i have heard come out of my mother's mouth.
so, marriage..
sometimes i feel like i am in a bind. this bind isn't because i desire a piece of paper that inserts the state into my relationship, but is instead created by what this paper means to the people around me. my family isn't happy about my choice and the patriarch of my family believes that we need to grow up and get married. i think my grandfather may have said something to the effect of "man up" to my partner, but i wasn't in the room, so i'm not sure what he said exactly. i have been thinking about how to get around this issue.
my first solution is to have a ceremony without involving the state. this is something that i am very interested in because, well, i think it would be really fun to be the "bride" who does keg stands. that, and i want to get some nicer kitchen things (but that is what birthdays are for, right?).
the next solution is to lie and say that i agreed to become chattel. this flaw in this solution is, my mother will want to throw the party, and it will suck.
my third solution is pretty simple. don't do it, and don't lie about not doing it, which is what we've been doing for almost 5 years.
so back to the bind, which really isn't much of a bind. the real heart of the issue is how married friends and family treat me for not wanting marriage. it is as though i committed the worst crime against heterosexual femininity. how dare i have the nerve to assert that i am happy with a relationship that doesn't end in marriage.
i use the word end very carefully here. we are taught as young girls that marriage happens at the end of the story. what is so curious about this notion is that people really believe in this. women grow up believing that you grow up, you graduate (either high school or college, depending on socioeconomic status), and then you get married and have a family. the family is formed automatically when the marriage certificate is signed. and this becomes the whatever ever after for heterosexual women.
the degradation of marriage may not be because of radical politics and sexual anarchists, but instead because it has been constructed as the happy ending.
my mother has had two happy endings. my sister is on her second, and my father has helped five women find their happy endings.
when i say that i'm not getting married, most women 1) act as though i have betrayed them and 2) believe that i am throwing away my happy ending (or endings).
my question is: what do we need to do, as feminists, to combat the idea that the desire to marry is innate? what is a practical solution to the problem of marriage?
my desire to have a ceremony could be seen as problematic because it is a symbol of my happy ending. is there any real way to navigate this bridal space while also being able to, quite literally, have my (wedding) cake (or pie) and eat it too?